She just cried for 2 hours straight. I cried with her and for her. This mommy needs some prayers or the staff here is going to think I am unstable. I'm really trying to be strong for her but I feel like I'm failing miserably. I cannot stop the tears. I feel like we lost some ground on our attachment because she doesn't want me to hold her or comfort her. I'm holding her some despite this, but it is hard for her to get comfortable on me with all of the things that are still attached to her. We'll get it back, I know, but it is hard. I know she is just 2, and she is just mad at the situation. I would be mad too! She probably felt fine before the surgery and now she is hurting and doesn't understand why. We know why, we know she had to have surgery, but how do you explain that to a 2 year old?
She is finally sleeping again. The Dr. has ordered some iv fluids because of her mouth issues. He thinks she is slightly dehydrated and the fluids should help her feel better. He had said that we should really try to get her to eat and be more active today (he said this yesterday), but after he saw her a few minutes ago he said to just let her rest and let her mouth heal...basically give it another day before we push her too hard. They are going to come and remove her chest tube in a little bit, and that should make her a little more comfortable.
I am so sorry Erica. What a ride to go through, whether two years old or as an adult... I know I feel like crying when I think about going through what you're (and YouYou) are going through!
ReplyDeleteTake it moment by moment; try and focus on the things that do go well-- even if they are small things.
random-- but funny. I delivered grapes to my boys, who are having a picnic outside. We were talking about clusters of grapes (from the 12 Men Went to Spy on Canaan song). After church, they often have grapes for the kids to snack on. David informs me, "Mommy, we always look to make sure that you are NOT watching, and then we eat more [grapes]."
all the hugs I can offer! --chris f
Hang in There!!!! I am sure you doing great! Everthing will get better.
ReplyDeleteTommy
Erica,
ReplyDeleteI am praying so much for you dear. I would be happy to call you back again, but I do not want to interrupt your time with You-You. So, just please know that we are praying and love all of you tons!
Joie
Sis-please know that you are not failing. You are a wonderful, sweet, loving mother. It is ok to cry. We all need it sometimes. God is watching over you both and he knows what you both need. Remember not to worry about the attachment issues at this time. The attachment will come even if it does take a step back. You are there for her through everything and she will know this and remember your love. Wo ai ni!
ReplyDeleteI know this has got to be sooo hard! Your response of tears is so normal. Your baby is hurting AND you haven't had good sleep yourself which makes everything 10 times worse. Don't worry about messing up her attachment to you. You have plenty of time to work on that. And I have no doubt it will come. So mark that off your list of worries. Her health comes first. Do be sure to be diligent about pain meds. Use as much as they will allow and the key is to try to stay ahead of the pain (ie don't always wait until she is in pain to ask for pain meds...then it is too late as she will then be in pain until the next dose kicks in). Don't forget that pain meds will make her constipated so she may need another med for that eventually to get her going again.
ReplyDeleteRemoving the chest tube will help a lot. In 2-3 days you will have a different child. She should be much better and the pain, more bearable. But you do have to sleep to be able to handle the emotions of this difficult situation. It is too hard on any mommy without sleep. Isn't it crazy how we realize more and more what God has asked us to do in adopting a child. Right now He is asking you to carry her burden of pain and fear. That is a heavy, heavy burden! i'm praying for you.
Jennifer Chambers
It was good to hear your voice today.
ReplyDeleteI am here...anytime...
Love you.
Everything's going to be okay, sweet Erica.
ReplyDeleteRest.
I'm praying.
Praying for Gods Hand to guide the chest tube removal and for You You to be more comfortable and mommy also.
ReplyDeleteHey Erica
ReplyDeleteI just saw on the caller ID that you called today. I was at a women's retreat. I'm so sorry I missed your call. I'm afraid to call you back because I'm afraid you'll be resting. Please call if you need me!
sherri
One of our daughters had heart surgery at 10 days old (coarctation of the aorta). The doctor told us that children react stronly to surgery, and to expect her to regress. Yea right, I thought, she's 10 days old how far can she regress? Well I SWEAR she shut down completely and acted like she was in the womb. She had to lay on my chest at all times. My husband couldn't hold her, nor could anyone else. I had to sleep with her like that, and I am NOT a cosleeping parent. If I turned over and left her over on the side of my back she would scream bloody murder. It took about 5 months for her to come out of it. No smiles, no laughing until we happened to be in a pet store and I had her watching the rats run around their tank. She let out the biggest belly laugh of her life - I of course then bought 2 rats just to hear that laughter at home. I watched my father-in-law become depressed for awhile after his heart surgery too. Just be prepared that it will come back, but it will take awhile - even bio kids have problems with recovering emotionally. Hang in there - you're in our thoughts.
ReplyDeleteErica,
ReplyDeleteI just got back from California. I did not have my laptop so I just got "caught up". I have been praying for and thinking of you all. Bert and I want to help. Give me a call when you get a chance. I don't want to disturb you by calling.
Love you!!
Tina
Erica, Oh I KNOW, Oh how I KNOW! I wish I was a bit closer. Actually if S didn't have her surgery on Monday, I might just show up as it is not THAT FAR!!! You are doing GREAT; it sounds like YouYou is doing GREAT! A wise friend (who also is a pedi ICU nurse) told me that with open heart surgery the doctors always said to the nurses: slow and steady wins the race. Now you and I both know it is not a race, but that little phrase sure helped me to refocus. It is a slow and steady journey. Just enjoy the small steps that are really BIG steps. And the attachment--don't worry another minute. She is MAD right now and it is really good that she is taking it out on you! But it is SO VERY HARD to walk the path you are on. BUT YOU CAN DO IT!!!! God called YOU to YouYou b/c He knew you were able through Him to walk this path. He is so proud of you and Aaron and your boys today!!! He is smiling down on you all!! Sending you some major CYBER HUGS!!!
ReplyDelete